James 1:17
Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.
I recently wrote out my testimony and feel that that this would be a good place to start. If you don't know me I hope this will help you to understand me and if you do know me you might learn something new.
Susanne's Testimony
2010
I have been so very blessed throughout the years. God has been so good. Over and over again I see His grace, mercy and loving kindness. Sure, I guess I could sit here and look at all the crumby things that have come my way, but what good would that be. No glory to the Lord, that is for sure. The trials that God has allowed in my life have helped to mold me and shape me into His image. My heart’s desire is to share with you what God has done in my life. I desire to be obedient to the Lord and honor Him in all that is shared. So with that, I will start at the beginning.
It was a cool fall day; I was born at 5:20 am. Born into a loving Godly home. For that I am grateful. This is the start of my journey with Christ. I realize this may sound silly, however having parents praying for you and your salvation right from the start can’t hurt! I believe from the moment I was born, God’s unconditional love for me was exemplified thru my parents. I feel that this was a curtail part of my childhood that helped prepare me for the battles of the flesh that would arise later in life.
I remember stopping at Carpenters Son (when it was behind the McDonalds on 26). I was four years old, and Mom let me stay in the car with my brother, while she ran in to pick up an order. There was a program on the radio. Chances are it was Moody or Focus on the family. It was a call for salvation. I just remember knowing that I wanted Jesus to live in my heart. Sitting on the middle fold out armrest in the front seat of our grey ‘86 Oldsmobile Cutlass Sierra, I stared at the radio (still believing that there were little people living in the radio, talking and singing for us). I just knew they were talking to me, and this was my chance to invite Jesus to live in my heart. I bowed my head and repeated the prayer with the guy “in” the radio. Even at four, I felt relieved and secure. Mom got back to the car, and I never said a word. I just knew that I felt different. I was excited; I had entered into my own relationship with Christ.
I am told by my mom that there were several times that I answered the alter call at concerts, church, and vacation bible school. I’m not sure why I was never told that I didn’t need to continually pray the prayer of salvation; however, it was always a desire of mine to know Christ. I had a child’s faith. I was on fire for the Lord and had a passion to share his love with others. Having been raised in a Godly home, I never had any doubts about God and never questioned it. My parents were not what I would call strict, but they always gave us an understanding of honoring Christ in our actions and choices. My parents could not have foreseen how that would affect us and how that would shape how we would react to the tragedy that was soon to be upon us.
One fall day, no different from any other, my dad jumped out of the tractor and twisted his leg the wrong way, or so we thought. After many days or weeks the pain would not go away. To make a long story short, my dad was diagnosed with cancer in his hip in November of 1994. By the following month, it had spread to his lungs and femur. He started Chemotherapy by the first of January, and we were praying for a healing. He spent much of January in the hospital, and on January 31st he received the ultimate healing and went to be home with his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He was just 39 years old and left a wife of 18 years, a 12 year old daughter (me), and a 15 year old son behind.
This was the very first time I was amidst tragedy. Never once, through this whole ordeal, did I hear my Dad ask the “why me” questions. Mom and Dad explained it as though it were just another chapter in the book that God had written for us. He was an amazing example to me of our Heavenly Father and the love that Christ had for me. He was an incredible witness to those around him, especially in his final days here on earth. I knew God’s love for me was real and that He would provide. I was devastated and heartbroken that God would take such a great man away from his family.
I believe because my parents were open and continually shared God’s heart and character with me, I was able to see God’s hand in all that transpired. Mom and Dad always shared what God was doing in our lives and gave Him the glory. Mind you, they were not always perfect parents, but God’s love triumphed. It was a time of great sorrow, grief, and desperation. Many nights I cried myself to sleep and could hear my mother doing the same. At times I felt anger and other times I was too grieved to even be angry. I have to say I never doubted God’s love for me and never felt forsaken. In fact my relationship with Christ grew. I feel this is due to the decision that my parents made years earlier to honor God in their parenting and to teach us to honor God in our actions and choices. I had a choice to honor God and draw near to Him or be angry, resentful, and let bitterness take hold. I knew God loved, and my parents had always exemplified that love. So, I chose to honor Him. I had to look at it like this: Some kids never have a good dad; God blessed me with 12 years with an amazing, yet flawed, Godly dad, who loved me. That is more than some get, and I am thankful for that.
The following years were difficult for us all. As I grew up, God was indeed faithful to provide for all our needs and some desires along the way. In this time of desperation, God had given me a vision of a little brother or sister. He or she was about 3 or 4 years old. God also accompanied that vision with a date. The date I cannot recall, however, my mom has it in one of her many journals. Mom even bought a pair of baby shoes for us to remind us of God’s promises. I had no idea what would later become of that. God also gave my mom a promise and a vision. I watched in those years as she remained faithful and steadfast in the Word and maintained a trust that God would restore our joy greater than the sorrow we had known.
My late high school years and early college ones seemed to bring with them the biggest battles of the flesh. I started speaking out loudly for the Lord, and sometime around my sophomore year I began to lose friends, and friends started to change. It was a very lonely time. I can remember sitting in Sophomore English class, battling my own thoughts. I just kept thinking no one likes me, and I must not be worth anything. After all, no one wanted to be my friend anymore. God was quick to remind me that He was my best friend, and I needed only Him. It was comforting at the time, and it held the tears back. Unfortunately, my flesh and the desire to fit in started to take me captive. The battle had begun.
Slowly I started to adapt to the world, and in my desperate attempt to fit in, I started to compromise my values. It was a slippery slope. I started saying things that I would have never thought I was even capable of saying and started hanging out with the wrong crowd, dating guys that I shouldn’t have, and wearing clothes that my mom would never have approved of.
You can pretty much sum it up as rebellion. I wouldn’t say complete rebellion. I would continue to cry out to the Lord, and I stayed active in church and kept repenting. There were seasons – seasons of rebellion and seasons of faith and fellowship with the Lord. The only way I can explain it is like this: It was like there was a bungee cord between me and the Lord (possibly my mom’s prayers). He would let me wonder out a ways, and as I wondered out a little too far, He would pull me back in. God blesses us, not because of what we do, but because of who He is. What a relief.
By my mid junior year those seasons of fellowship grew shorter and shorter. I was starting to become very depressed, and I felt like it was even starting to affect me physically. My back was hurting so badly I was frightened that I too had cancer. I started to distance myself from my friends and family, and what do you know? God blessed me anyways. He brought Josh into my life. We started dating December 10, 1999 and by that Christmas the pain in my back was gone! God is awesome! My “depression” started to lift, and my seasons of fellowship with God seemed to be longer. Josh and I sure had our seasons of rebellion, but once again they were followed by repentance and fellowship with the Lord. This is the way it was all through high school and college.
Looking back I can see that I was riding on the coattails of my mom and dad’s relationship with Christ during those years. As strange as it may sound, I was simply living the way I had been taught. Don’t get me wrong. I saw God’s hand in all that happened in my life and loved the Lord deeply. However, I had reached a point where my own faith was no longer growing. I had not experienced the “wow” moment in my own walk with the Lord – the kind of moment that gives you the power to not fall back in to fleshly desires. It would be years later that I would discover my own need for a mature relationship with Christ.
Mom’s vision and promise came to fruition when she met Gerritt in September 2001, and they were married by that March. With the fulfillment of mom’s vision and promise, came the fulfillment of mine as well. With Gerritt came Lilyana, my new 4 year old little sister. Oh, how faithful God was! The date God had given me years before ended up being the day Lily was adopted by Gerritt and Sara, his first wife who had also went to be with the Lord. I couldn’t doubt the power of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!
It was difficult to accept Gerritt as a parent at first, but as I grew closer to the Lord, I realized he was a blessing from God, and I needed to respect him as a parent. Our relationship started to grow after that. After all, I always say that if I could have handpicked a second dad, I couldn’t have done any better. I really don’t like to refer to him as my step-dad, because God brought him in as a second dad not a “step” down. I have been so very blessed to have not just 1 great dad; I have been blessed with 2 amazing dads. Not many can say that!
Josh and I had our rough patches, but managed to maintain a faithful love for one another. He graduated from college in 2002 and I in 2005. We were married that summer, and God really started to pull on my heart. I knew we needed to get back into church. We were starving and struggling to find a church home.
At this time, I had started working at Home Hospital in the rehab department. I had worked there on and off in college, but now was there full time. There was one therapist there in particular that totally had a fire for Christ. I could tell that his relationship with Christ was for real. He was bold and confident in Christ. I knew I wanted that too. That is when I realized that I could no longer survive on the “coattails.” I needed to dig in and pursue that deep, mature relationship with Christ. It wasn’t hard to get my co-worker to share about his church family, and he soon invited us to Harvest Chapel. I was so excited. I wanted to sit under that teaching. That was my WOW moment.
I remember thinking that I wanted to be fed with whatever food my co-worker had been fed. I went home and talked Josh into visiting Harvest. Josh finally agreed. It took considerable persuasion considering he thought I was taking him to the House of Prayer there on the corner by the coffee shop. You should have seen the relief on his face when he realized it was not.
Our first Sunday, Pastor Tom was in the book of Acts, teaching on the first church. What a cool way to find a church. We walked out feeling not just fed, but like we had just been to a feast! Finally, we were home. We continued to come to Harvest, and God continued a work in our hearts. Realizing He wanted so much more for us, I totally surrendered and finally started to work on my very own real relationship with a living God! No more coattails needed. The bondage of desires and temptations of the world that once held us back from true fellowship with the Lord Jesus Christ, were broken through repentance and forgiveness. It was the start of a very real, love relationship with Jesus Christ that continues to grow.
Proverbs 22: 6
Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Thank you for reading....more to come soon!
Susanne,
ReplyDeleteThis is very inspiring to all that read it. You have a beautiful family. The Proverbs verse is so very true to raising children.
Love,
Aunt Deb